I just don’t watch movies. I don’t watch movies in general.
A girl on the bus I just murdered (via oldfilmsflicker)
When I was a kid…
I pretended that tic-tacs were pills/drugs.
Or that wafer sticks were cigarettes…
Gatorade was vodka/alcohol….
Or that grape juice was red wine…
I was just that badass.
(via wowfunniestposts)
“Now you wait one minute, Uncle Phil! Now I didn’t want to have to do this, but you brought this on yoself!”
Why being a person with a uterus isn't working out for me:
- Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
- Me: Please, god, no--
- Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GO0O0O0OO0OO0O0O0
- Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furious
- Me: Please, guys, calm down--
- Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES.
- Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
- Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO
- Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
- Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
- Me: I hate you all
- Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate.
- Face: Lol, i'm not done yet.
- Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?
- Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 9 months straight.
- Uterus: You mother fuckers.
- Torso: CONTRACT!
- Me: I quit, I am now a llama.
- Brain: Me gusta.
